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A man goes into the doctors, 'Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pig.'
'How long has this been going on?' 'About a weeeeeeaaaaak!' My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli... A strong currant pulled him in. A man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.' 'Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That's the Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.' A man goes to the doctor with a frog on his head. The frog says 'it all started with a wart on my arse' A man takes his Rotweiller to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'mgoing to have to put him down.' 'What, because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy.' A shark and a squid are swimming in the sea. The squid is vommiting everywhere. The shark sees a friend and says 'here's the sick squid I owe you' A guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start!' I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a muscle. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that hecouldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.He said, 'No, the steaks aretoo high.' A man walked into the doctor and said, 'I've hurt my arm in severalplaces.' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore.' What’s the difference between a stoat and a weasel? A weasel is weasely recognisable and a stoat is stoat-ally different! A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that herbody hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me. " The redhead takes her finger,pushes on her left breast and screams, thenshe pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken." Interesting Research A recent study found that the kind of male face that a woman isattracted to can vary considerably depending upon where she is in hermenstrual cycle. It seems that if a woman is ovulating then she is more attracted to aman with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, she is more inclined to be drawn toa man who is doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors embeddeddeep in his temple and a cricket stump shoved up his ar$e. |